Thursday, March 24, 2011

First post, why am I even doing this?

Ok, I'm not sure why I'm even doing this crap... maybe to keep myself from self medicating to get over something? Yes, thats probably it.
I guess shit got started over a fucking prank, or joke, or what ever you call it when it got into the hands of more than a few people, and they didn't get the hole story, and wanted to start saying crap... Which is fine, what ever. People will think what they want...
I will admit, I'm not the nicest person, if you want me to call you pretty names, and put you on a pedistule, your looking at the wrong guy.
I will call you names, feel free to call me names.
If you've done something stupid, guess what bud, I'll call you stupid... and vice versa
Now, I'm not one of the 3 stooges and clown around 24/7, but I can't stand those people who have no life either.

This problem, I can't help but feel has been festering if you will, because of the person I'm currently in a relationship with.
In the recording I made, I called them fat, and other comments which weren't nice.
(This was the hole point). I was trying to get a reaction out of them...
Now, some people may go, "He's doing that to get an audience" thats not healthy...
To you I say, lighten up, it's a joke. I do not discriminate when it comes to joking.
I completely expect it to happen to me, and if or when a line gets crossed, I will let the person know.
I also expect the person to let me know.
After all, we're adults, not fucking kids.

You may be wondering how this one insadent has festered?
lets just say in my opinion, our relationship has been on uneven ground for a while.
Who's fault is it? I'm sure its both, but sence I'm the one writing this shit out, I can only point out things that are making me unhappy.
Sence this has the potintial to be public, I won't make out a laundry list of the problems... I will say that I have brought the problems to the attention of the other person.
So, what is the problem you might ask?
The fact that nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing gets done.
It goes in this vitious cycle, and the next thing you know, your miserable, and you feel like you've been beating your head against the wall, and talking to yourself for all the good it's done.

The more I write, the more I know I should be talking this out, instead of putting it on the fucking internet, but the little devil on my sholder reminds me why I'm not.
(She doesn't listen to you!), and if she does, she either chooses to do nothing about it, or is unable too... (Which eitherway, you can't help).

(So, we've got this point, you've tried telling her what's wrong (at least you think you have) and you don't seem to think it's working?)
Yes, thats pretty much it.
Ok, what else?
Well,I've seen somethings that she's tweeted that completely took me out of context, and actually wasn't true, but they were said, and people read these tweets.
For the record, I never fucking told anyone they can't go to any kind of a function, or a funaral.
My comment to that was "What ever", I really was completely indiferent to them going to a guys funaral.
It's when a few hours before they leave they say "Oh, they want to go have drinks afterward too, so I'll be home later", thats when I start to have the problem.
Again, some of this is me, and some of this is them.
They haven't exactly done things to just yell "Hey, trust me", and I will admit, I have trust issues.
Now I think on it, they knew about my trust issues from the beginning, and still did shitty things that deffenantly make someone's trust issues 1000% times worse. Thats all deeper issues though, and may or may never come to light in this place.
This is when I just say "What ever, thats fucking stupid".
I never said "Oh, now you can't go", nope, I just made it plane that I didn't like it, and that was it.
Theire's issues with them drinking too, but again, maybe another time...
Holley shit, I think I'm starting to write like I'm talking to this red guy on my sholder, and he's talking back...

Any who, I don't know if they mean too, or just really don't think about what they put out there for others to read, but it's there.
Then this insadent happends, and from the outside, mixed with things this person has painted from every argument we had, I look like Satan or something.

(Get on with it... your rambling now to make points... We get it, your trying to show your not the asshole you seem to be made out to be.)
Yeah, pretty much, ok, any way...
I don't mind people thinking I'm a jerk, or what ever, and in a lot of cases they're true, I don't deny it.
What I do have a problem with, is someone calling shots, when they don't know the entire story.
It pisses me off to have people telling someone how they could do better, or how they're being treated like shit, when thats not entirely true.
 (and no, I don't know if someone is, or is not telling them these things, it is just a possibility)
I know 2 wrongs don't make a right, but they do make people feel better.
I think some of the little glimpses I've given shows, that the other party isn't completely blaimless, and has done shit as well.
I just (Up until now) haven't let others know personal business.
I guess, an easy solution to this, is if they'd just fucking listen to me, and actually try, instead of get pissy, or tune me out... or blaim it on medical or hormonal problems.
Guess what, it's causing problems, take care of it!!!!
It's not my fault, and I can't fix your medical or chemical problems.
Boy I realize how bad I am at organizing thoughts out on paper...

So, maybe this person should also stop broadcasting everytime I have a problem to the world, or just let everyone know when something good has been done
(Although I'm a guy, and anything a girl thinks is good just makes him look like a whimp)...
I'll give just one example of something good that happends, that probably never gets thought of, just taken for granted.
Well, ok, my ego needs stroking, maybe 2...
(Oh boy, here he goes, the narsasistic prick)
Hey, your part of this too!
Anyway, where was I...
Oh yea.
When ever there is a "real" problem, I help talk and think it out to make things better.
I don't think they realize that if they have a real problem, they have someone who will help them.
Yes, I mean "Real" problem, not like, I don't have a tutor for my math class, or, this teacher is being a jerk...
Also, almost everynight, someone (I won't point fingers, but it's not me) gets held almost every night until they fall asleep.

(What, Why?)
Hell, I don't know, Because they like to be held for some strange reason...
(I think she was dropped on her head and raised in a pig pin when she was a baby)
Lol, shut up, thats not funny!
Ok, I might of laughed a little.

Ok, fuck this, me and the main man is through for now... but we may be back.

I know this is a rip off of an OZZY Osbourne album, but what can I say, Zakk Wylde is my idle... but I think my little tag, or quote on here should be...
"There's no rest for the wicked".
Ahh, I like it.